Our Beloved Community
September 7, 2003
The Reverend Anne Felton Hines
"Break not the circle of enabling love, where people grow, forgiven and forgiving..."
Sounds as if those animals in our children's story this morning needed that hymn. We are told that they had forgotten how to be happy. But in truth, what they had forgotten was how to live in community, which will result in unhappiness. They had allowed the "circle of love," which shows us how to forgive others and to ask for forgiveness when necessary, to be broken.
The first picture in the book shows people stealing from one another, fist fighting, even walking nonchalantly across an old man lying in the street - behaviors I am happy to say I've never witnessed here at Emerson! (But then…I've only been here a year!)
And in fact, those behaviors aren't what "break the circle" of community in a church such as ours. What generally happens in churches is that people become unwilling to do the work that is necessary to create and sustain a healthy and loving community. We may let fear, or apathy, or resentment, prevent any meaningful steps towards a truly "beloved community" within these walls. And without it here, we cannot expect to help create the "beloved community" of justice and peace outside these walls.
M. Scott Peck, in his writings about community-building, has said that the goal of community must be "to seek ways in which to live with ourselves and others in love and peace" - not exactly what those animals on poor Noah's ark were doing! What Noah first tried when the community began breaking down was to divert everyone's attention with games and talent shows. But the only thing that worked was to plead with them all to "remember how to be happy," lest they return to the unhappy state they were in before the trip.
Fortunately here at Emerson, we're not in a state of disarray or unhappiness. But I do think it's a good idea at the start of a new church year to remind ourselves of the importance of religious community, and the need to be intentional about creating and sustaining such community. It is not enough to simply say "Be happy!"
I've officiated at a couple of weddings this summer, and as I reflected this week on community-building, I realized that much of what I tell couples about a healthy and loving relationship can also be applied to the creation of a healthy and loving religious community.
Just as with marriage, a community of depth takes work and awareness; it does not just happen. And that work can often be uncomfortable. But if we don't engage in it, we will fall into routines that can become destructive - or at the very least, remove any of the passion once there.
In a religious community, we are called to not only listen with an open mind and heart to all perspectives, but to speak our truth with love as well. And yes…I know how uncomfortable that can be. I know how much easier it is to keep quiet when stung by another person's remarks, or when the minister says something objectionable. But remaining silent - or simply complaining to someone else about the problem - chips away at relationships, and community cannot be built on broken relationships.
I want to point out here a fairly recent, but dangerous, vehicle that can result in broken relationships within a church - and that is e-mail. A Conflict Resolution consultant told a colleague of mine that the bulk of the church conflicts he was seeing had begun through e-mail messages.
I remember once writing a somewhat angry e-mail to a member of the church Board (this was pre-Emerson!). After hitting the "send" button, I decided that perhaps I shouldn't send it, and clicked on the outgoing box where e-mails sat until I hit the final "send" button. But somehow it had disappeared! I searched every file - the "sent," "deleted," "drafts," etc., and could find it nowhere. So I figured that perhaps this was proof that there is a god, and that she protects those of us who occasionally act before thinking!
However, just to be sure, I asked the woman that night at the end of the Board meeting if by any chance she'd received an e-mail from me earlier in the day. "I certainly did," she replied, "and I am furious at you!!!" I guess I couldn't rely on God to protect me from myself after all!
If we are hurt or angry at someone, it is far better - and more courageous, frankly - to speak to that person directly, than to send off an e-mail with angry words and then shut off our computer and be done with it. Please use your e-mail gently and wisely.
A religious community must be willing to take risks - to move forward down new paths, even when the end is unknown, even when the funding isn't assured. We must be willing to risk conflict, and to have faith that we will be guided by our "doctrine of love," which overcomes all differences. We must remember that this church existed long before most of us were a part of it, and has survived many storms in its history; nothing we do will destroy it!
Along with risk-taking, just as in any relationship, religious community calls us to put aside our needs at times, and accept the will of the congregation. Scott Peck suggests that true community is not a place for "rugged individualism," but for what he calls "soft" individualism.
Now, it's possible that a lot of those animals in this morning's story were good ol' Uus, as it has been suggested that we are the epitome of "rugged individualism!" I'd dare say that more UUs drive around with the bumper sticker, "Question Authority," than any other religious group! And it's not only the authority of the minister or other leadership that we UUs often distrust; it's sometimes the authority of the democratic process! I am sure that every UU church can name more than one individual or family who has left the church - or at least, withdrawn their financial support - because the majority didn't vote the way they wanted them to on a particular issue.
But "soft" individualism doesn't leave; "soft" individualism says instead, "Here's what I believe, but I accept your belief as equally valid, and I will respect the wishes of the majority, and continue to work toward the larger vision of the church." "Soft" individualism, in both a marriage and a religious community, remains for the long haul, through both the bright and the stormy times.
And finally, religious community calls us to seek always that Love which opens us to forgiveness. Scott Peck says that "humility" is needed - the ability to "appreciate each other's gifts and our own limitations."
During the reception for the wedding at which I co-officiated last weekend, my friend Barbara - both the mother of the bride and the other officiate - gave a "toast" of sorts to the newlyweds: "If, during an argument," she said to them, "you find that you are wrong, admit it; if you are right, keep your mouth shut!" The same wisdom might be given to those of us in community: Let us have the humility to admit when we've been wrong, but also the graciousness to remain quiet when we're right!
This year I hope you and I will have many opportunities to deepen our experience of community - through worship, through small group sharing, through teaching our children, through singing in the choir, through working for peace and justice, and of course, through simply having fun together. And I hope that we will always speak and listen to one another with respect and trust and compassion - remembering that we are each as precious as diamonds, "shot through with the beauty" of creation "that has survived the death of stars."
© 2003 Anne Felton Hines. All rights reserved.
