WHO'S MINDING THE GAP
October 20, 2002
The Reverend Anne Felton Hines
While I was serving as Interim Minister last year at the UU Church in Mission Viejo, a young woman named Julia - probably in her late 20s or early 30s - began attending. She seemed to fit right in, perhaps because she was an accomplished pianist and soon began volunteering as one of the choir accompanists. The fact that she was so much younger than many of the members of the church never seemed to phase her.
One Sunday afternoon, during an Orientation to UUism, Julia told the story of her first visit to the church. Seems she was asked by one of the greeters why she hadn't visited another UU congregation that was closer to her home. She replied that our Website had been better than theirs. (Take note, those of you working on Emerson's website!) She then related how the person talking to her had said, "It's probably better that you came here anyway; we're a younger congregation than they are!" "I looked around at the rest of the people," Julia said to us, "and thought to myself, 'This is a younger congregation?!'"
Everyone laughed. But I also sat there feeling somewhat taken aback: I hadn't thought we were that old a congregation; after all…we had a lot of people there my age! And then I got it: I was one of the people she was defining as old!
There has been for many years an age gap in our churches. It was first noticed and lamented in regards to teens; why weren't they as active as they had been in the 60s & 70s? So the UUA began putting more emphasis on offering assistance to congregations trying to build stronger youth groups, reviving the energy once found in our Liberal Religious Youth (LRY) groups, into what's now called "YRUU - Young Religious Unitarian Universalists."
But in more recent years, we have realized that, as Traci mentioned earlier, 90% of our youth leave Unitarian Universalism after they graduate from high school; one study suggests it's even as high as 95%! I am very aware of how many of us who raised our children UUs now lament that either our children attend no church at all, or have become fundamentalist Christians. Why does this happen? There have been a number of theories proposed, but I suspect that one big reason is that we have paid so little attention to our youth after they enter young adulthood - especially when they go off to college. We've assumed they will find their way back to us when they're older - after they've established careers and families. And then we've simply forgotten about them.
We have given a lot of attention over the last 10 years or so to the question of how to be more empowering and welcoming of women, people of color, bisexuals, gays, lesbians and transgendered folks, as well as those with disabilities. And one of the realities that we've had to face as we ask those questions is the chauvinism woven into our congregations. We tend to think and act from our own individual reality, and fail to ask how someone different from ourselves might feel. To be fair, this is a pretty human behavior: we all have to stretch our minds in order to think from the perspective of someone different from ourselves. So when looking at how we might become more diverse, we have had to become more inclusive with our language, our worship, our social gatherings, and other aspects of church life. It has not been easy.
Now we're needing to acknowledge that perhaps we have also been chauvinistic in our attitude towards youth and young adults. Traci told Bonnie and me of one of her early Sundays here at Emerson, where the service ended with everyone holding hands and singing "Blowin' in the Wind." She said that as she looked around, she saw people with tears running down their cheeks; but she, probably not even born when that song was first sung, couldn't quite get it! We laughed as she recalled this memory, but the truth is, there was a poignancy in her voice; it could not have been funny back then to feel so disconnected to her new religious home.
How often do we ask whether our worship is meaningful to youth and young adults? How often do we intentionally choose readings, music or sermon topics that would touch them? How often do we offer classes or other activities that would help young people meet the challenges they face? Indeed, how often do we even seek to find out what those challenges are? Not often.
As Traci pointed out earlier, the common wisdom is that youth and young adults simply aren't interested in belonging to a church, or don't want to get up that early on a Sunday morning. But if we visit any number of the conservative Christian megachurches, we will see how wrong that assumption is; they are overflowing with young people. Protestant theologian Martin Marty asserts that the reason Fundamentalism is growing isn't due to conversion of older adults, but because they are "doing what most other religions aren't doing: retaining young people." They have nourished a spiritual hunger that youth and young adults do experience.
I remember clearly when I was a teenager, active in my church's youth group. We went one Friday night to a service at the Reform Synagogue in Altadena, and I was moved to tears by the stories, the lessons, and the people there. I called the rabbi a few days later to ask for an appointment to talk with him about converting, because I had been longing for a religion that offered the depth I witnessed that night. Obviously I didn't convert! But the point is that I did have an interest - a hunger - for religious meaning at that age, and my own religion wasn't speaking to that hunger.
So what do our churches have to offer our teen youth? Listen to these words of Alison Miller, the UUA coordinator for Youth and Young Adult Ministry Sunday:
It is in Youth Group that I started to discover who I was and how I would relate in the world. It was here that I could speak the truth, be myself…with friends like and not like me. In Youth Group we discussed the family situations and moral dilemmas that present themselves throughout high school, and benefited from the great wisdom that resided with our peers and advisors.
Liberal religious communities are a place where we have the opportunity to actually act on our principles during times of struggle. At sixteen years old, I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer with little hope of survival. I remember many lonely days in surgery, chemo and radiation, but I will never forget that my youth group actually met at the hospital instead of church a couple of times. I will never forget that several of them gave blood to save my life, and offered their healing liberal religious perspective to help me answer burning questions about life and death.
Youth and young adults do care about the deep religious questions that face us all; they do seek a spiritual home where they can have their questions, their fears, their yearnings, taken seriously - just like the rest of us. And so I have asked some of our youth to read some of the responses that Unitarian Universalist young adults around the country gave when asked the following questions:
What do you get from your spiritual community?
Why is Unitarian Universalism important to you?
And, what has Unitarian Universalism meant for you as a young adult?
(TEENS READ FOLLOWING STATEMENTS)
Hope, comfort and a sense of a home for my idealist heart. UU is critical to me for the openness and confidence which it has the capacity to inspire. While other religions may exclude or deny membership, UU seeks to include all opinions and face the challenges head on. UU embraces religious freedoms and international human rights, believing simply in the virtues of humanity and the power of the human spirit. Having been raised a UU, I can't imagine not having a community in which I can be open and free with my thoughts and beliefs, surrounded by those who are also seeking to improve the lives of others in their community. Each person's service to community and humanity cannot be restricted only to those who agree with you. (Christopher Wulff, Kingston ON, Canada)
Unitarian Universalism is important to me because it's revolutionary, magical, practical, welcoming, faith-uplifting, mine. UU churches are where I find spiritual communities. My leadership is encouraged and nourished - not just by my elders, but by my peers. It's a place where I've made precious friendships with fellow young adults. I love UU young adults. As a whole, we're a vibrant, dynamic, caring group of people. The bond of union created by our principles creates relationships based in respect and honesty that I treasure. Within Unitarian Universalism I find my religious home - very exciting. It gives me direction. I get to be part of an intergenerational community of good people. (Amy Strano, New York City)
My spiritual community gives me a sense of larger purpose. It's easy to become so focused on politics, art and human relationships that one forgets the synchronicity of it all. Spiritual community grounds me, humbles me, and helps me remain open to mystery. UUism is important to me because not only do I have roots with the faith (I was brought up a UU) but UU it is one of the few religions that truly aims for freedom and a just institution. While some may say institutions are inherently corrupt, it is our duty as free thinkers to utilize the power of an institution for justice, liberty and freedom of religion. I remain committed to UUism because it is an institution that can accommodate change." (Natalie Brewster Nguyen, Chicago IL)
To me, being a part of the Unitarian Universalist community has meant growing up with the freedom to choose, the freedom to make responsible choices, with mentors always around to help out in times of trouble. I have not been shamed in this community as I have been in other religious settings. That is a big deal for me. I feel that if the world was a little less judgmental, if people were able to accept others for who they are, as I have felt the UU community has been able to do for the most part, we wouldn't have the international disputes that presently plague our world. Without feeling shame, individuals can be proud of who they are, make responsible decisions and not have a desire to lash out at others because no one is repressing them. (Erica Keller, Cornell University, Ithaca NY)
Who minds the gap? I do, because it's blocking us in our efforts to become a powerful force for transformation in the world, by losing out on the enthusiasm, energy and creativity of youth. I mind the gap because it means we're discounting the "inherent worth and dignity" of an entire group of people. And I mind the gap because by allowing it to exist, we're ignoring the spiritual needs of the young men and women who are seeking a religious home just as deeply as those of us who are older.
Who minds the gap? I do…and I think you do, too. One of the first questions the Search Committee asked me in our initial interview was, "How would you attract young people to our church?" Indeed, that was even the first question asked of me way back in 1983 when I was interviewed by the Search Committee at the San Dieguito Fellowship! Of course, I was a lot younger then, so could point out that according to conventional wisdom, I would attract people both ten years younger and ten years older than I; simply by virtue of my age, I said, I would attract a younger crowd.
Being almost 20 years older now, I have decided to abandon that theory, and instead told your Search Committee that I wasn't sure how to attract younger people, but I would suggest we approach it the same way we've approached the inclusion of people of color, sexual minorities, and others not terribly visible in our congregations. Let's begin by asking the youth and young adults we do have at Emerson what would help them feel more included, what would make them want to invite their friends, and what would empower and support them on their spiritual journeys. Let's begin by going on to the college campuses nearby, and letting students know that there exists a religion that just might speak to them.
The fact that so many congregations have responded to the UUA's request that we designate one Sunday this month as "Mind the Gap" Sunday, and that your Board agreed to a second Offering today to help fund youth and young adult ministries in our religious movement, is proof that many of us not only "mind the gap," as in being disturbed by it, but are also ready to "mind the gap" as in "tending" to it - doing something to alleviate it.
I am committed to spending as much time with our teens here at Emerson as is possible (and desired by them!), to offer them support as they do their spiritual searching, and to listen to what their needs from us are. And Traci and Anna and I are committed to organizing a meeting for young adults, to explore what their needs are, and how this church might make a place for them. Our goal is to make Emerson UU Church, and Unitarian Universalism, a religious home for all ages.
In closing, I've asked Susan Sinsheimer to share with us one more "testimonial" by a young Unitarian Universalist.
I was born into my Unitarian Universalist community. I did not seek it out. I did not ask for it. It came to me as a gift. One of many I did not appreciate back then.
I grew up very involved in my community. I went to church school. I went to services. I went to youth group. I opened up as a person. I became a leader. Then I graduated and left it all behind.
College was huge. A sea of people and activity. I did not find what I had had at home. I did not find community. I did not feel connected. So I left. I went away. And not back home….
Then the magic happened. I met someone my own age. Someone connected to our faith. Someone who attended a college with a campus ministry and young adult group. With a little support from the local congregation we thrived and grew as a group.
Thank God. That is what I thought. Thank God that I was caught. That I didn't just float with that lost feeling. Born and raised UU I NEED to be connected. I need to be part of this faith to feel whole. I need a spiritual community to thrive.
I just happened to go to a really great college that didn't have any of this for me.
In the book The Lorax, it says "IF ONLY." That is what I think. If only each congregation reached out to local campuses. If only congregations supported the campus and young adult ministry of our Association so we can build groups where there are NOT congregations. If only every one of us born UU's could grow up and go to college or work where there is a strong campus or young adult group.
Just imagine what we would be! (Anonymous Testimonial)
© 2002 Anne Felton Hines. All rights reserved.
