YOM KIPPUR:
AN INVITATION TO RESTORATIVE JUSTICE
September 15, 2002The Reverend Anne Felton Hines
When I arrived home Friday evening, there was a message from my daughter on my Voice Mail, saying she'd had a hard day at work, and just wanted to tell me she loved me. Now, while I've no doubt that Tiffany loves me, it's rare for her to phone me just to tell me so!
I called her back at once, and learned that a co-worker at the Marriott - a young man Tiffany's age - had left work late Thursday night and been hit by a drunk driver on the freeway; he died, while the young woman who hit him drove away. She was apprehended later, and probably faces many years in prison; she was only 20. My daughter lamented that this woman had ruined her life. "Perhaps," I replied. "But she does have the opportunity to allow this tragedy to turn her life around."
That's what happened in a similar story that involved former members of the Solana Beach UU Fellowship - Peter and Kathleen Serrell. Their adult daughter, Elaine, was returning home late one night from school, when a drunk driver hit her head-on, instantly killing her. The driver of the other car - a young woman with two small children - had a blood alcohol level of .20.
As you can imagine, the grief the Serrell family experienced, along with Elaine's husband, was overwhelming. They saw the driver of that other car as a murderer; indeed, Elaine's husband said later that he probably could have killed the driver with his own hands, so enraged was he.
But Elaine's father had long ago learned the futility of endless rage, and eventually convinced the rest of the family to enter a process of mediation with the young woman who had killed their daughter.
They met with her and professional mediators; she was able to express to them her remorse, and to hear their grief. After several hours of talking, they signed a contract with her, laying out the specific steps she was to take in order to make restitution: She would enter an alcoholism treatment program; address community groups while serving time in prison; complete high school; write weekly to her children; attend church; give 10% of her income to charity; and send a quarterly progress report to Peter and Katherine.
Notice that none of what the young driver agreed to do benefited the Serrell family; all of it was to improve herself, and to benefit the larger community. Elaine's husband later said that while he abhorred what the young woman did when she drove drunk and killed his wife, he was now actually "proud of what (she's) accomplished since then."
The Serrells invited this woman into the process of Restorative Justice - the act of "restoring right relationship." They offered her the possibility of transformation; and what it allowed them, and I suspect the young woman as well, was a true sense of healing, created through reconciliation rather than retribution. I can only hope that the young woman who killed my daughter's co-worker Thursday night, as well as the co-worker's family, will some day embark on a similar journey, and find some peace.
Tonight is the eve of Yom Kippur - the Day of Atonement, and the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. It ends the Ten Days of Awe or Repentance which began with Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. This holy time calls us to heal all our relationships -- with ourselves, with each other, and with our God -however we may define that -- so that we may return to Wholeness once again.
We are told that on Rosh Hashana, our destinies for the coming year are written into the Book of Life. The Book then remains open for ten days to allow us to reflect on what we have done with our lives in the past year -- where we have "missed the mark" and possibly caused harm to others. During these ten days we are to hold ourselves accountable, and repent for any wrongdoing. Most important, we are to do our very best to make amends to those we may have wronged - and through this act, become "at one" with ourselves and with God. It is said that if we have even tried to understand ourselves and to atone for our sins, then the Angel of Life must reconsider our fate. Finally, on Yom Kippur the Book is closed and sealed for another year; and hopefully, we have returned to "right relationship" with all of Creation, and our year will be a good one.
This is the concept, too, of Restorative Justice. It assumes that the spark of the Divine that is present in all humans at birth never goes out, no matter what evil they may commit. It assumes not only our capacity for compassion and understanding, but the possibility for remorse and repentance, even in the most hardened of hearts. And it requires that not only amends be made to those who have been hurt, but whenever possible, restitution be made as well. The goal of Restorative Justice is to repair relationships, between the perpetrator of a crime and the victim, and between the perpetrator and the entire community.
There are many poignant stories of people who have had someone they loved suddenly snatched away from them through the act of murder, but who have learned to let go of their rage and even forgiven the murderer. Bud Welch is one such person, whose daughter was killed in the Oklahoma City bombing. He admits he wanted to kill Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols when he first saw them on TV. But a few days later he caught a glimpse of McVeigh's father on television. "I saw a deep pain in a father's eye," said Welch, "and knew that pain because it was also mine." He says that in the moment that he was able to feel such compassion for McVeigh's family, he felt closer to God than he'd ever felt before. Welch visited McVeigh's family, and has worked to abolish the death penalty ever since.
To my knowledge, Bud Welch was never able to go through the process of Restorative Justice with Timothy McVeigh himself; I don't know if they even met. And I don't think that McVeigh ever expressed remorse for his terrorist act.
But Karla Faye Tucker did go through the steps of repentance, reconciliation and restitution before the state of Texas took her life. She admitted her crime, took steps to heal herself, expressed great remorse to the families of her victims, and did what she could to help others. And the brother of one of her victims had the opportunity to forgive her, even witnessing her execution at her request. Together, they were able to create "right relationship" - not only with one another, but with their God and with humanity as well.
When someone asked me once if I didn't think that putting a convicted murderer to death was more compassionate than forcing them to life imprisonment, I responded that my stand against the death penalty isn't only about compassion for the murderer; it's about allowing time for him or her to be confronted by the enormity of their crime. It's about allowing the possibility for the murderer to experience that enormity, and feel the remorse necessary for true redemption. And it's about allowing reconciliation to take place between the murderer and those affected by his or her deed. The death penalty too often cuts off any possibility of such reconciliation and healing to take place, and the families of both victim and murderer are left empty.
But Restorative Justice isn't a process only for events as extreme as murder, or drunk driving deaths. Restorative Justice can be practiced in our ordinary lives as well. Every time we feel we've been wronged by another, we can seek Restorative Justice by remembering that we are connected to that person. The great theologian Martin Buber said, "Love your neighbor, because your neighbor is like you." Our task therefore is not to cling to our woundedness, but to let go of it, and practice compassion, and even forgiveness.
This is not always easy, of course. My friend and colleague, Tom Owen-Towle, tells the story of the mother who says to her angry daughter, "Now, Sally, your brother is sorry he broke your doll, and you need to forgive him." The little girl reluctantly agrees to do so, but adds, "I'll feel a lot more forgiving after I slug him first!"
But in fact, I suspect the child wouldn't feel more forgiving if she slugged her brother first; it wouldn't fix her doll, after all; and it certainly wouldn't make her brother feel any sorrier for having broken it - only for admitting to it! All that will really help her feel "more forgiving" is if she can understand why her brother broke her beloved doll, and even acknowledge the times when she herself has been clumsy, or thoughtless, or even cruel. She needs to see her brother and herself as capable of both goodness and hurtfulness.
There is a Buddhist story of a man who is struck by an arrow from an unknown assailant. Rather than remove the arrow, he insists on leaving it in until the archer is found and punished. Unfortunately, the wound festers and he finally dies, before the assailant is ever found. The questions becomes then: Who is responsible for his death: The person who shot the arrow, or the victim, who insisted on "clinging" to it?
When we insist on clinging to past hurts, and particularly when we seek retribution, our wounds only fester and become toxic to us; they do not heal. The only real healing comes through the act of compassion, and, when possible, forgiveness.
Restorative Justice also calls us to examine ourselves when we are accused of hurting another. Rather than becoming defensive and denying any wrongdoing, or making excuses for ourselves, we are asked to listen deeply to what they are saying, and take an honest "inventory" of our actions. Have we caused hurt? And if so, what can we do to rectify it? What will help return us to "right relationship" with that person?
What has always drawn me to the traditions of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is that while acknowledging that we all sin - or "miss the mark," we aren't asked to wallow in our sin, feeling great guilt and angst.
Instead, we are asked to take full responsibility for our actions by looking deeply and honestly at ourselves, and making amends where necessary; we are called to do whatever we can to heal broken relationships. It is through healing our relationships with others that we heal our relationship with ourselves, and with that which is larger than ourselves - be that named God, or Spirit of Life, or simply Mystery.
Perhaps if more individuals would practice Restorative Justice in their personal lives - not only during Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, but throughout the year, perhaps it might radiate up to our nations as well. For if we are to create a "sustainable global society," as the Earth Charter envisions, we must also be willing to take an honest inventory of ourselves as a nation, and strive to make amends toward those we have hurt - including the Earth. We must seek reconciliation within our own borders, and with those around the world who are affected by our decisions, and by our way of life.
One of the most difficult things for me after the terrible attacks of September 11th last year, was the response that our government leaders - both Republican and Democrat - continually gave to the question, "Why do they hate us so much?" Rather than encouraging us to take a hard look inward as a nation, we were simply told, "They hate us because we stand for Democracy, for freedom and justice." But if that were the case, then why didn't the terrorists fly planes into our Statue of Liberty - a true symbol of freedom and justice? Or our myriad cathedrals, synagogues, temples and mosques - symbols all of the religious freedom we experience in America?
Instead, they flew into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon - symbols of our corporate wealth and military power; to many around the globe, symbols of materialism, greed and domination.
In his July 5th column in the L.A. Times, Steve Lopez reminded us that "much of the world sees us as the fat kid at a birthday party, stuffing cake into our mouth while everyone else dives for the crumbs."
I would have felt so much better if someone had suggested that perhaps, as a nation, we needed to reflect on what the attacks meant on a deeper level. Never did we acknowledge that while there can never be justification for the violence the terrorists dealt us that day, there might be some justification for their rage at us.
Yes, I know; our country doesn't begin to commit some of the atrocities that others do. But isn't it because of the very freedoms granted by our Constitution, and the respect for the sanctity of life that we profess, that makes it imperative that we admit when we have fallen short of those visions?
One month after the attacks of 9/11, our UUA president, William Sinkford, wrote:
I am concerned that we are not yet having the right national conversation.
The right conversation does include punishment for the criminals who slaughtered innocent people, but it does not stop there. It also asks what conditions allowed people to see the United States as an evil empire….It asks what role we had in creating that perception. And it calls on our national leaders to remain at the table, attempting to move toward restoration of the multiple issues of justice so that a lasting peace can be found.
I hope that this church might join with other faith communities to hold our government accountable, and to continue witnessing for the poor, the oppressed, for justice and peace, and for the earth. I hope that we will remind our people that the goal of this great nation must always be to seek reconciliation and wholeness, and that vengeance and war only cause more violence and despair. I want us to remember that, as Steve Lopez wrote in another column, "We don't have any greater freedom than our right to hold Washington and ourselves to a higher accountability…. This…is our strength."
But perhaps more importantly, I hope that this church will be a place where each of us can practice Restorative Justice in our relationships with one another - where we can listen openly to one another, and speak our truth with love. May we trust that when hurts occur, our "doctrine" of love will carry us forward as we seek to restore relationships. And may we always wish for one another "shalom" - the "blessing of wholeness and integrity," and true peace.
© 2004 Anne Felton Hines. All rights reserved.
